毕福剑：在这儿吃饭？

赵本山：这是铁岭最贵的，你来吧。

毕福剑：别别，大爷，不，老哥，我在飞机上吃了。

赵本山：那客随主便，好不好？给你怎么安排你就听话，来来。

小沈阳：毕老师，你不给照个相吗？毕老师。

毕福剑：你是男服务员？

小沈阳：嗯哪。

毕福剑：长得挺委婉的。

赵本山：我刚开始来就误会了，你说哪有这打扮，哎呀妈呀。坐，刚到是吧？

毕福剑：刚到，刚到。

赵本山：咱是老乡。

毕福剑：是吗？

赵本山：你不是大连人吗？

毕福剑：对对，大连人。

赵本山：你住哪儿？

毕福间 我住大连老鳖湾。

赵本山：哎呀妈呀，有亲戚，孩子她姥爷也在老鳖湾，也姓毕。

毕福剑：你姥爷叫毕什么？

毛毛： 毕门庭。

毕福剑：你姥爷打麻将肯定是高手。

赵福剑：咋的？

毕福剑：闭门听嘛。

赵本山：正好你叫闭门炮。

CCTV Man Why here?

Uncle Zhao Here we've got the best restaurant in Tieling. Do c'me this way please.

CCTV Man But I've had my meal on the plane.

Uncle Zhao You're my guest, so please follow my arrangements.

Shenyang A picture of the two of us, please.

CCTV Man (to Shenyang) You're... a male waiter?

Shenyang Yup.

CCTV Man You look awfully, awfully sweet, boy.

Uncle Zhao I, too, took him to be a woman when I first came. How funny he is dressin' up like this? Sit down here. Did you enjoy your trip?

CCTV Man Yes, quite.

Uncle Zhao We mus' be fellow townsmen.

CCTV Man Are we?

Uncle Zhao Ain`t you from Dalian?

CCTV Man Sure.

Uncle Zhao Which part?

CCTV Man Old Turtle Bend.

Uncle Zhao Where her mummy's daddy used to live, too. So we're even relatives.

CCTV Man (to Yadar) What`s his name?

Yadar Bi Menting.

CCTV Man Your grandpa must be good at playing mahjong.

Uncle Zhao Why?

CCTV Man The name sounds like a mahjong term.

Uncle Zhao That matches you' nickname "Bi Mengpao," as you're a mahjong man you'self.

毕福剑：我叫毕福剑。

赵本山：这也是的，没准儿都......实在......哎呀，这一笑，你看看，多像你姥爷临走那张照片。

毛毛： 爷爷，你快看，不笑更像。

毕福剑：我今儿个躲不开了。

赵本山：孩子这一辈子，跟爷爷不行，就跟姥爷亲。姥爷临走把她哭完了。快认姥爷。

毛毛： 姥爷好。

毕福剑：别别别，起起......。大过年的，你要来这个，我得给你压岁钱了。

赵本山：不用，不用。哎呀，这家伙，来......

小沈阳：毕老师，你给我照个相呗。

赵本山：这没吃饭呢，你先揣起来。点菜，快点。

小沈阳：照完再点呗。

赵本山：点完再照。

小沈阳：要跑了呢？

赵本山：。谁跑啊？毕老师都低调来的，你别跟人这样说。她姥爷，这都......实在亲戚，你就点吧。

毕福剑： 不不不，咱随便吃点饭就可以了。您来，您来。

赵本山： 现在咱家都富了，农民生活跟过去不一样了。你就铆劲儿吃，你说吃能吃多少钱哪。我点。

毕福剑：随便来。

赵本山：澳洲鲍鱼四只。

小沈阳：对不起，没有。

毕福剑：算了，别点那么贵的。你往下来。

赵本山：四斤的龙虾。

小沈阳：对不起，没那么大的。

CCTV Man Just Bi Fujian.

Uncle Zhao Yeah, whut an... well, I'm really... (To Yadar) Look, he smiles like the last picture of you' dead grandpa.

Yadar Look, even more like it when he doesn't.

CCTV Man So I'm hopeless either way.

Uncle Zhao The girl's much closer to her maternal grandpa than to me. Sort of cried her heart out when he died. Say hello to you' new grandpa.

Yadar (kneeling down / with a kowtow) How do you do, grandpa.

CCTV Man Don't, please. It`s Spring Festvial now, and I should've given you some gift money.

Uncle Zhao Don't bother with that, sir. You're indeed...

Shenyang We haven`t had our picture taken, sir.

Uncle Zhao (to Shenyang) We haven't ordered our dishes yet. Put this damn' thing away. We'll see whut to eat first. C'me.

Shenyang Just one picture, please.

Uncle Zhao Serve the meal first.

Shenyang What if he runs away after the meal?

Uncle Zhao Who will? Mr. Bi's a modest man, coming all his way from Beijin' to give us folks a chance. Don't you say a thing like that. (To CCTV Man) I'm whut they call a "country pumpkin," my dear in-law, not really knowin' how to treat a guest. So you please order the dishes.

CCTV Man Don't be too polite. You do it.

Uncle Zhao Now we peasants have got rich, much better off than before. Eat as much as you want, it ain't gonna be a big deal anyway. Please give me the menu.

CCTV Man Don't be extravagant, buddy.

Uncle Zhao Australian abalones, four.

Shenyang Sorry, they're out of stock.

CCTV Man Too expensive anyway. Let's move on down.

Uncle Zhao Lobsters of 2 kilos each.

Shenyang Sorry, nothing that big.